|
|
|
When I was first asked to write my story I thought to myself, now why would anybody want to hear my story when most of these survivors have already experienced what I have gone through, and more than likely, even worse. Then I realized that doing this reinforces the fact that we are not alone in this fight and although our stories differ, the experience brings us closer together and helps us to form a strong bond. So today my story is not one of doom and gloom but one of survival, victory, hope and a determined fight to beat this horrible disease. It was January 7, 2004 and the only words I heard was " you can have a lumpectomy or maybe we should do a right mastectomy" This surgeon whom I only saw once before to arrange my biopsy, sat me down and did not even explain that I had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. He basically suggested his treatment options and wanted to know which one I wanted to have done…well at that very moment I thought to myself...THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE. Here is another quack doctor who obviously does not know what the heck he is talking about…I told myself, he must have the wrong chart…. I walked out of his office thinking that he had made a mistake and I therefore demanded a second opinion…He referred me to a Dr. Claire Holloway at Sunnybrook Hospital… I was able to get an appointment with her the following week. All this time waiting for my appointment I figured the doctor was only a general surgeon who deals with basic types of surgery and he was dead wrong about my diagnosis…I could not have breast cancer. I was too young, I felt fine and I did not have a lump or any other problems. I had just gone in for my routine mammogram, which I have been doing for the past 3 years. The following week I met with Dr. Holloway and she confirmed that I did in fact have breast cancer and I did not have a choice between lumpectomy or mastectomy…I had to have a right mastectomy as I had what they call micro calcifications and a lumpectomy would not provide clean margins. I left her office in disbelief, feeling confused and despondent…. it was devastating enough to know that I would be losing a breast but how was I going to deal with the fact that I had Cancer. The "C" word, the dreaded disease, all the stories I had ever heard about Cancer came flooding back in. I was definitely scared and definitely too young. My surgery was scheduled for Feb 4, 2004 and while waiting for the surgery I had to tell my family and close friends. I also had to tell my two boys age 10 and 13…How does a Mother tell a child that she has cancer when she doesn't quite understand it herself and she herself is not sure of the outcome. Surgery was uneventful…no pain and the scar looked better than I had anticipated. I thought I was out of the woods…but that was not the case. The pathology reports came back and showed that although they had gotten clean margins the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes. Chemotherapy and radiation was now on the horizon…. I convinced myself that I was not going to have chemo, as I was afraid of the horrible side effects. I have a paralyzing fear of throwing up and I knew this was one of the main side effects of Chemo. Secondly I was going to loose my hair, well that in itself was a deal breaker. I studied to be a hairdresser when I was younger and since childhood I have always had an obsession with having perfect hair… After consulting with the oncologist I realized that once again I did not have a choice …chemo was next on my plate. I received six months of chemo and was not sick once, did not get any mouth sores, did not feel fatigued. However, I was one of the unlucky ones who had terrible veins. They were times that I had to be poked 3 or 4 times before they could find a good vein. I also lost all my hair and without even trying and seemingly immediately, I gained 20 pounds!!! So with one breast gone, no hair, arms that looked as if I was a drug addict and 20 pounds heavier I started 5 weeks of radiation. I thought that was going to be a walk in the park for me…. not so. The first 15 sessions were not bad but the next 5 and the weeks to follow were terrible. I got burnt so badly that I had to put on cream that they normally use for "Third Degree Burn" patients. I was blistered, red and swollen all across my chest. I also had excruciating pain in my arm and in my chest. This lasted for one month after my last radiation treatment. I am now left with a square patch on my chest, which is considerably darker than the rest of my body. This ordeal is still not over as I now have to contend with a decision as to whether or not to take Tamoxifen and what type and size of new breasts do I want to have. Hmmmm…Lets see, Pamela Anderson or Halle Berry. Now that I am done with all my treatments, I look back now and ask myself how did I manage to get through the last 9 months when I could barely see past the next day when I was first diagnosed. The most important thing that helped me get through all of this was I held a positive attitude and surrounded myself with family and friends who continued to support and motivate me even when I was at my worst. I come from a strong religious background that provided inspiration and faith to me everyday. Also I have two young boys at home who would continually remind me of how beautiful I looked with a baldhead. Although this experience has been traumatic, scary and distressing I really believe I had the right ingredients behind me…great doctors, supportive family and friends, a positive attitude and unconditional faith. If someone would have told me a year ago that having cancer COULD enrich my life, I would have told them they were crazy. Don't get me wrong, if I could go back and erase cancer from my life I certainly would, but having gone through this experience I have learned many things that continue to impact my life day to day. So, Here is what I know for sure:
And finally,
Karen Lopez
|
|
